An 85-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this -- first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.'
The doctor was shocked!
'You asked your neighbor?'
The old man replied,
'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Car A/C (Air Conditioning) MUST READ!!!
No wonder more folks are dying from cancer than ever before. We wonder where this stuff comes from but here is an example that explains a lot of the cancer causing incidents. Hmmm. Many people are in their cars first thing in the morning and the last thing at night, 7 days a week. As I read this, it makes me feel guilty and ill. Please pass this on to as many people as possible. Guess its not too late to make some changes
Car A/C (Air Conditioning) MUST READ!!!
Please do NOT turn on A/C as soon as you enter the car.
Open the windows after you enter your car and turn ON the AC after a couple of minutes.
Here's why:
According to a research, the car dashboard, sofa, air freshener emit Benzene, a Cancer causing toxin
(carcinogen - take time to observe the smell of heated plastic in your car).
In addition to causing cancer, Benzene poisons your bones, causes anemia and reduces white blood cells.
Prolonged exposure will cause Leukemia, increasing the risk of cancer.
Can also cause miscarriage.
Acceptable Benzene level indoors is 50mg per sq.ft. A car parked indoors with windows closed will contain 400-800 mg of Benzene.
If parked outdoors under the sun at a temperature above 60 degrees F, the Benzene level goes up to 2000-4000 mg, 40 times the acceptable level.
People who get into the car, keeping windows closed will inevitably inhale, in quick succession, excessive amounts of the toxin.
Benzene is a toxin that affects your kidney and liver.. What's worse, it is extremely difficult for your body to expel this toxic stuff.
So friends, please open the windows and door of your car - give time for interior to air out -dispel the deadly stuff - before you enter.
Thought:
'When someone shares something of value with you and you benefit from it, you have a moral obligation to share it with others.'
Car A/C (Air Conditioning) MUST READ!!!
Please do NOT turn on A/C as soon as you enter the car.
Open the windows after you enter your car and turn ON the AC after a couple of minutes.
Here's why:
According to a research, the car dashboard, sofa, air freshener emit Benzene, a Cancer causing toxin
(carcinogen - take time to observe the smell of heated plastic in your car).
In addition to causing cancer, Benzene poisons your bones, causes anemia and reduces white blood cells.
Prolonged exposure will cause Leukemia, increasing the risk of cancer.
Can also cause miscarriage.
Acceptable Benzene level indoors is 50mg per sq.ft. A car parked indoors with windows closed will contain 400-800 mg of Benzene.
If parked outdoors under the sun at a temperature above 60 degrees F, the Benzene level goes up to 2000-4000 mg, 40 times the acceptable level.
People who get into the car, keeping windows closed will inevitably inhale, in quick succession, excessive amounts of the toxin.
Benzene is a toxin that affects your kidney and liver.. What's worse, it is extremely difficult for your body to expel this toxic stuff.
So friends, please open the windows and door of your car - give time for interior to air out -dispel the deadly stuff - before you enter.
Thought:
'When someone shares something of value with you and you benefit from it, you have a moral obligation to share it with others.'
Friday, March 19, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Joke Only
After getting all of Pope's luggage loaded into the limo,
(and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.
'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?'
'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive at the Vatican
When I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today.'
'I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job!
What if something should happen?' protests the driver, wishing he'd
Never gone to work that morning..
'Who's going to tell?' says the Pope with a smile.
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel.
The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport,
The Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kms.. (Remember, the Pope is German..)
'Please slow down, Your Holiness!' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal
To the metal until they hear sirens.
'Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license -- and my job!' moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches,
But the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.
'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.
The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going 205 kph.
'So bust him,' says the Chief.
'I don't think we want to do that, he's really important,' said the cop.
The Chief exclaimed,' All the more reason!'
'No, I mean really important,' said the cop with a bit of persistence.
The Chief then asked, 'Who do you have there, the mayor?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'
Chief: ' A senator?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'
Chief: 'The Prime Minister?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'
'Well,' said the Chief, 'who is it?'
Cop: 'I think it's God!'
The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, 'What makes you think it's God?'
Cop: 'His chauffeur is the Pope!'
(and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.
'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?'
'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive at the Vatican
When I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today.'
'I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job!
What if something should happen?' protests the driver, wishing he'd
Never gone to work that morning..
'Who's going to tell?' says the Pope with a smile.
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel.
The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport,
The Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kms.. (Remember, the Pope is German..)
'Please slow down, Your Holiness!' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal
To the metal until they hear sirens.
'Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license -- and my job!' moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches,
But the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.
'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.
The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going 205 kph.
'So bust him,' says the Chief.
'I don't think we want to do that, he's really important,' said the cop.
The Chief exclaimed,' All the more reason!'
'No, I mean really important,' said the cop with a bit of persistence.
The Chief then asked, 'Who do you have there, the mayor?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'
Chief: ' A senator?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'
Chief: 'The Prime Minister?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'
'Well,' said the Chief, 'who is it?'
Cop: 'I think it's God!'
The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, 'What makes you think it's God?'
Cop: 'His chauffeur is the Pope!'
Monday, February 22, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
Chinese Cracked Water Pot!!!
This is a good one!
I love this - I hope you do too.
An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a
pole which she carried across the back of her neck.
One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and
always delivered a full portion of water.
At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot
arrived only half full.
For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only
one and a half pots of water..
Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments.
But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and
miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.
After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the
woman one day by the stream.
'I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to
leak out all the way back to your house.'
The old woman smiled, 'Did you notice that there are flowers on your side
of the path, but not on the other pot's side?'
'That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower
seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water
them.'
For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate
the table.
Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to
grace the house.'
Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each
have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.
You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the
good in them.
SO, to all of my cracked pot friends, have a great day and remember to
smell the flowers on your side of the path!
I love this - I hope you do too.
An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a
pole which she carried across the back of her neck.
One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and
always delivered a full portion of water.
At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot
arrived only half full.
For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only
one and a half pots of water..
Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments.
But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and
miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.
After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the
woman one day by the stream.
'I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to
leak out all the way back to your house.'
The old woman smiled, 'Did you notice that there are flowers on your side
of the path, but not on the other pot's side?'
'That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower
seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water
them.'
For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate
the table.
Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to
grace the house.'
Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each
have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.
You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the
good in them.
SO, to all of my cracked pot friends, have a great day and remember to
smell the flowers on your side of the path!
Friday, February 12, 2010
"ICE" (In Case of Emergency) Campaign
Dear Families and Friends,
We are human beings.
Anything can happen to us any time.
Below is self explanatory. We all carry our mobile phones with names & numbers stored in its memory but nobody, other than ourselves, knows which of these numbers belong to our closest family or friends.
If we were to be involved in an accident or were taken ill, the people attending us would have our mobile phone but wouldn't know who to call. Yes, there are hundreds of numbers stored but which one is the contact person in case of an emergency?
Hence this: "ICE" (In Case of Emergency) Campaign
The concept of "ICE" is catching on quickly. It is a method of contact during emergency situations. As cell phones are carried by the majority of the population, all you need to do is create the name "ICE" in your phone book with the number of a contact person or persons who should be contacted during an emergency.
For example:
"ICE"(name) . For more than one contact name simply enter ICE1 (name),
ICE2 (name) and ICE3 (name)...etc. A great idea that will make a difference! Let's spread the concept of ICE by storing an ICE number in our Mobile phones today!
The idea was thought up by a paramedic who found that when he went to the scenes of accidents, incapacitated victims involved have mobile phones, but they didn't know the next of kin to call in case of emergency. He therefore thought that it would be a good idea if there was a nationally recognized name for this purpose. In an emergency situation, Emergency Service personnel and hospital Staff would be able to quickly contact the right person by simply dialling the number you have stored as "ICE.."
Please forward this. It won't take too many "forwards" before everybody will know about this. It really could save your life, or put a loved one's mind at rest.
Remember :-> ICE will speak for you when you are not able to.
We are human beings.
Anything can happen to us any time.
Below is self explanatory. We all carry our mobile phones with names & numbers stored in its memory but nobody, other than ourselves, knows which of these numbers belong to our closest family or friends.
If we were to be involved in an accident or were taken ill, the people attending us would have our mobile phone but wouldn't know who to call. Yes, there are hundreds of numbers stored but which one is the contact person in case of an emergency?
Hence this: "ICE" (In Case of Emergency) Campaign
The concept of "ICE" is catching on quickly. It is a method of contact during emergency situations. As cell phones are carried by the majority of the population, all you need to do is create the name "ICE" in your phone book with the number of a contact person or persons who should be contacted during an emergency.
For example:
"ICE"(name) . For more than one contact name simply enter ICE1 (name),
ICE2 (name) and ICE3 (name)...etc. A great idea that will make a difference! Let's spread the concept of ICE by storing an ICE number in our Mobile phones today!
The idea was thought up by a paramedic who found that when he went to the scenes of accidents, incapacitated victims involved have mobile phones, but they didn't know the next of kin to call in case of emergency. He therefore thought that it would be a good idea if there was a nationally recognized name for this purpose. In an emergency situation, Emergency Service personnel and hospital Staff would be able to quickly contact the right person by simply dialling the number you have stored as "ICE.."
Please forward this. It won't take too many "forwards" before everybody will know about this. It really could save your life, or put a loved one's mind at rest.
Remember :-> ICE will speak for you when you are not able to.
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